money issues, how can I make it fair without starting a fight?
Now I know why people say never loan someone money! back if feb. my boyfriend was uneployeed for awhile and was down on his luck, he lost his eye glasses and he needed them to drive so I felt bad and took him to the eye doctor and got him a new pair. It cost $70 for the glasses and he told me when he started working again he would pay me back. We also that same month in feb joined a gym and I pay him 15$ for my half each month. Well now he is working and making good money and now he tells me I owe him the 15$ for my half of the gym, plus 5 bucks b/c we went out and he bought me drinks since I had no cash on me. I know its just 20$ and its no big deal but im just thinking that he still owes me 70$!!! I dont want to start a fight but I cant seem to help but think im dating a gold digger! Plus when he was down on his luck I would buy things for him just to be sweet, and now that he has a job he is asking me to buy him stuff!!!
I have dated this guy for a year and half and never once asked him to buy me anything!!! I was brought up to never ask someone to buy you something, they should just do it out of the kindness of there own hearts! Like I was doing….now im being asked to buy crap!
October 1st, 2008 at 2:48 am
He is a jerk. Lose him. Really.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Yes, honey, I’m sure there have been a thousand clues before this one, but GET OUT NOW! This guy is a lazy, money grubbing leach who would be letting the rest of us support him if you didn’t……on second thought, stay with him!
October 5th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Hmm…If you are interested in pursuing the money-leaching thing you call your boyfriend (no offence, that’s just how I see it), work out a plan on repaying everything
I’d just go dump Useless now before it’s too late
October 6th, 2008 at 6:13 am
I know what my wife would have said to me when we were dating: “Fine. Just deduct that $20 from the $70 you owe me. You now only owe me $50.”
I don’t think that is an unreasonably harsh position to take either, and you can then gauge his reaction. Maybe he is not in as good a financial position as it seems. Many guys will not admit that money is tight until they are in a real pinch. He might have other debts still lingering that you aren’t aware of. He didn’t want to not buy you drinks at the time, but maybe he couldn’t afford it either.
My initial reaction was, “Wow, what a jerk!” But then I have heard of other couples with similar situations.
You should be able to have a reasonable discussion with him without starting a fight. Just tell him you are both in a relationship now for some time, and you both may have different expectations about money. You both have bills to pay. He can’t expect you to pay for everything, and you don’t expect him to pay for everything. If he promises to pay you back, you deserve to know that he means it. If he has no intention of paying you back, he should say so. Likewise, if he is going to buy you something with an expectation of being paid back, he should tell you right up front so you can decide if you want him to go ahead and buy you another drink. You just want to know where the two of you stand on this, because it seems to be an issue and you don’t want it to turn into a fight or one of you to have bad feelings about the other.
If all else fails, keep a note pad handy and take it out in front of him and write down everytime you buy him something. When he asks, tell him you’re balancing his account.
October 6th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
To be sweet, tell him this. ¨Honey I will give you your money back, because it was unexpected of me for not having money on me on those days ($20). But why do you need the money so much, you owe me $70 bucks.
The point being:
1) He brought the subject
2)You have not exploded
3) Your willing to give it back
4) You just want to know why he needs the money so much when he owes you
If he can´t answers, he owes you $50. That’s it.